“Getting Ready…Eventually”. I don’t think there’s a more appropriate backronym for what I’m doing right now, honestly. I know I have to take it. I know I should be studying. Hell, I bought the prep book and a stack of flashcards; they’re currently sitting in my backpack, unused for the most part. I’ve already taken the pre-test, so it’s not like I haven’t done anything. For the record, my quantitative math is my weakest section and, while this is definitely worthy of worry, I can’t help but feel a little proud of my verbal and analytical writing scores. Anything having to do with reading and writing was always my strong suit.
But, yeah: just what the hell am I doing with my time? I’m panicking about my lack of panic because I should be panicking, right? This IS my future I’m fucking around with! I should be preparing for grad school, cleaning up and organizing my LinkedIn account, networking, figuring out what the schools I’m looking at want in their respective applications. I’ve scoured the Internet for resources already; they’re bookmarked and everything. But have I gone back to look at them? Hell no! There are videos to be watched, friends to chat with, a media library to organize, an online presence to pretenciously maintain…
Is it fear making me push the important things to the backburner? Or is it sheer laziness? Because I am feeling both things when I hear the question, “So, are you going to grad school?”
I’ll admit it. I’m slightly terrified of grad school. It’s unchartered territory in my family. Hell, even getting a bachelor’s degree is something none of my folks have accomplished before me, but I had help from counselors and teachers because going to college was a thing once you got out of high school. But grad school? I don’t know about you, but it seems to not be supported as well. Maybe it’s because you can begin pursuing a white collar, nine-to-five, cubicle career with a bachelor’s degree. I’m pretty sure that’s what some of my friends are going to do once they graduate. The advantages are clear: you can get started on those student loans you’ve accrued and probably be well on your way to living your life however the hell you like. This is assuming that you can land a job, of course. By comparison, grad school can seem less luxurious.
I would say that the decision to continue studying depends on a lot of things. I would, but I already know that I want to pursue an even higher degree in order to do what I want to do. So, what do I want to do? Research. I just want to have the opportunity to learn more about the world around me and have the ability to not need to worry about the essentials of living. That means a doctorate and getting my ass in gear for the test that somehow verifies my readiness to continue onwards: the GRE.