Does this count as TMI? I’m not sure…

So, I was scrolling on down through Tumblr, as I am wont to do when I have something really, really big looming just over the horizon that I’m trying to put off. In this case, that would be the big, nasty Biophysical midterm on Friday (which is made just that much more terrible by being my one chance of redemption from my previous exam). But there will be plenty of time for that, surely. Right?

…Right. Besides, it’s already 11 p.m. over here; any studying done now is just going to irritate me, as it stands in the way of my sleep. And I just love my bedtime, even as it baffles people who stay awake well past the witching hour. I don’t really see the point of remaining awake until midnight myself, but if that’s your rhythm, then you go, Glen Coco.

Anyway! Scrolling through Tumblr, it’s nothing new, and I found a nice, lovely post that was chalk full of these wonderfully devious questions that, by reblogging, the person was allowing other people to ask them, anon or otherwise. To be honest, I’ll reblog these kinds of posts if the questions are particularly provocative, but nobody bothers asking me. So, what usually happens is that I’ll copy the lot to a new document, go through them one by one, and answer them. It’s more of a mental exercise for me than a way to reveal a little bit of myself to the people who follow me online.

I’m still kind of weirded out by that concept, that I’m somehow interesting enough to actually warrant someone following me. The poor unfortunate is more likely to be flooded with more images of cats and GIFs of lesbians making out than any sort of personal posts.

And now I’m just rambling. Here’s that set of evil asks that I stumbled upon today and my answers to them. Enjoy!

A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?

…Why? So what if I couldn’t get caught or be affected? Life is not something to be taken lightly, and that’s coming from someone who’ll gleefully (gleefully, mind you) take up a scalpel and dissect a starfish just to count how many gonads it happens to have.

It’s roughly ten, by the way. Two in each leg and, usually, five legs, so ten.

B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr? Are you excited at the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?

I err on the side of “welp, I’ve pissed someone off, haven’t I?” simply because that’s what the Internet is. You’ve got people that want to talk to you remaining silent while all of the people who aren’t particularly pleased saying so and doing things to express their displeasure. It’s much easier to say “You suck!” on the Internet than it is to say “That was awesome and you’re awesome. Keep up the good work!”

C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?

Yup. I’m an atheist who happens to believe that Christians of every type are all idiots, stumbling through life, clinging like a bunch of scared children to a fairy tale in order to not have to actually think about themselves and their lives. It’s scary, but I must admit that I think of myself as somehow “better” because I chose to discard the fantasy. Clearly, this is not so; I just found a different fantasy to indulge myself in is all.

D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?

I’d like to think that I’ll forego the infinite knowledge and wisdom of the universe in order to keep my emotions. I rather like my emotions, however confusing and irritating they may be at times. It’s just a sign that I’m alive, that I’m not just a mass of flesh, breathing, digesting, excreting. I’m feeling, dammit. It’s what makes us human, which I feel is becoming an increasingly more valuable asset in our day and age.

E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?

I’m rather fond of both consuming and sleeping, so this one’s gonna be tough. I’m gonna say no eating or drinking, though, because sleep is nice. It’s a time where I can just check out of the world around me and simply exist, a silent form on a warm, soft mattress, not expected to go out and about and do the things that people want me to do, that I want myself to get off my own ass and do. It’s nice.

F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?

Probably Anderson Cooper. He’s really, really sexy; I can only hope that I’ll age as gracefully as he has when I get on a bit more in years. And those eyes! I mean, I like my brown eyes, particularly when the light’s just right and they shine, but that seems conditional. His eyes seem to be perpetually bright, alluring, piercing. My eyes, meanwhile, seem a bit too soft in comparison. Like they say, the eyes have it.

G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?

Freezing’s too chilly for me. I like it when it’s cool out, but I’m not too fond of snow or anything colder than the occasional ocean breeze in San Fransisco. So, with freezing completely rejected as an option, I guess I’ll burn. At least it’s over just a bit quicker, as far as I can imagine. Clean-up’s a snap, too; just sweep up what remains and chuck it in the dustbin. Done.

H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease, and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?

That’s be nice, wouldn’t it? To solve all of humanity’s problems with the sacrifice of one individual. But I’m going to have to say no; it’s not the state of humanity that worries me, but the state of the Earth. People will always fight and those fights will escalate. The Earth? It’s clearly overwhelmed by all of those spats. If I went to Hell, I’d rather it be for the price of one makeover for the planet. There’s only one, after all, and we sorely need it.

I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?

It was, surprisingly enough, something someone had on me. Me, the chubby kid in high school! Me, the most awkward, unfeminine woman in class! Me, the most thoroughly repressed child ever! But, yes, someone actually had a crush on me; it was most likely due to my dominant masculinity, as he turned out to be gay. Which is fine, let him do as he pleases. But there’s something I’ve always wondered: just what fuck does that mean for me and my identity?

J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?

Tricky. See, I’ve masturbated, done my fair share of spelunking within my own caverns and whatnot. But I’ve never had sex. Ever. I dunno, I’d like to try it, at least once, before giving my final answer. Trouble is I’m also a romantic; I could satisfy my curiosity quickly enough, but not in the way I’d like to, y’know? Unfortunately, I’m still enraptured by the delusion that the first time must be magical somehow. Ditto for kissing.

K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?

Once, with a group of people at the theater in our university. It was an event for Coming Out Week called “Porn and Chicken” and the genre was supposed to be “bisexual porn”. I only say “supposed to” because, really, it was gay porn with some poor, unfortunate woman thrown in to claim it was bi. She did try, though, I’ll give her that.

L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?

Guh. I don’t listen to either, really. A few songs here and there by each of them, but I can’t claim that either one has inspired me directly. Now, in terms of genre, it’ll probably have to be The Rolling Stones. My tastes in music definitely have more of that rock edge than the softer, melodious tunes of The Beatles.

M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?

Energy, definitely. I could make otherwise non-spontaneous reactions actually go! I could (probably) never get tired by siphoning energy off of other living things or from the universe around me! Maybe I could even make that perpetual motion engine thingy a reality! Nay, I could be that engine! I could be even more useful that I am right now!! Just imagine it!

N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?

It was a recurring nightmare that came to me whenever I was sick when I was younger. I was in the desert for whatever reason. It was really, really dry and I could just feel like my throat was cracking and drying up. I don’t think that it was the dream was that frightened me, just that it kept on replaying, over and over again, in this loop that never seemed to end. The sand, the heat, the pain, just repeating themselves. I couldn’t sleep. I hated being sick, if only because the dream would come again, along with that feeling of being trapped in that never-ending desert.

O. Would you rather spend only one year with your one true love, just to never see them again, or the rest of your life with second best?

…These prompts don’t really like to pull punches, do they? Ouch.

Well, I’m gonna have to go with “one year with one true love” because, again, I’m a sucker for romance. Sure, it’s gonna hurt like hell when they’re gone, but I like to think about it this way: at least I got 365 days with them. I can then say that I actually had an idyllic “one true love” and that’s something that will enrich my life for as long as I live. I feel like “forever with second best” is the safe option, the choice where you’ll always have someone at your side. That’s silly to me, because you’ll always have you. Why settle?

P. All of the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays: good or bad?

I don’t watch movies too much nowadays, but I’m not too fond of that mentality that “sequels suck”. Everything had to come from somewhere, y’know, even the artsy, “creative” stuff that people are so fond of nowadays. Originality is the belief that there can be only one and I know for damn sure I’m no Highlander and neither is anybody else. Get over it. Besides, I rather like remakes; they either freshen up the usual, stale material, give it a good polish, or just put it from someone else’s point of view. It’s refreshing!

Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?

Dissatisfaction is something that I like to think I’m done with forever. If that means that I’m broke forever, then fine. I shall be broke and yet fulfilled. It’s nothing new, really.

R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?

White gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, maybe even the white asexuals, pansexuals, and transgendered people, too. Hell, all white people that are somehow sexual “deviants” because, y’know what? You can’t be a sexual deviant, Mexican, and enjoy the same treatment. You can’t. You can try, but you slowly lose yourself when trying to fit in with Queer Whitey. White people have access to therapists, to the ability to make their feelings known. White people have families that can be made to understand, “eventually” being the longest period of time until that eureka moment. But being an atheist Mexican genderfluid pansexual female? That shit just doesn’t exist. I’m already the black sheep for going through a traditional college experience, for wanting to keep going until I get my doctorate’s instead of getting married at 21, settling down, and popping out a few kids. Now, I’m just a black unicorn and guess what? It’s unicorn season and my family’s a pack of avid unicorn hunters.

S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?

Again, ouch! Either way, I’d feel like I’d be lonely. But I’d prefer to not have anyone be able to read my mind. Knowing me, if I had the ability to read other people’s thoughts, I’d abuse it to feel out who likes me and who doesn’t, what the answers on a test are, or to see what the people I admire really think of me. Y’know, kid stuff.

T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?

The default language of the world would have to be English because, as terribly flawed as it is, it has its own kind of elegance and beauty. Plus, I already consider myself to be wonderfully eloquent in it, absolutely swimming as I speak, a fish content in the water. Why mess with that?

U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?

Yes, actually. Now, the ever burdensome question: would they want to sleep with me?

V. A world without religion: good, bad, or neutral?

Despite being an atheist, I find myself rather tepid on this point. I’ve witnessed firsthand what religion can mean to some people, what just having something to hold onto, however fantastic and unlikely, can help someone stabilize themselves and recover. I may not be fond of it, but I can understand why people worship. It does indeed save them, at the very least from the yawning chasm known as Tomorrow. My problem with religion just happens to be when it interferes with people’s judgement and they confuse faith with absolute obedience to ideals that treat other people as sub-human just because they don’t believe in the same thing. Does that make sense?

W. The men’s rights movement: legitimate cause or laughable? Why?

Legitimate in my opinion. So much of the women’s rights movement may be about recognizing women as people, just like everyone else, but there are those people that go about it by putting down men in turn. No! By “people”, you’ve got to include men too! That’s what “people” means. The men’s rights movement, to me, is something that balances those tendencies of people that fight for their rights in a manner that seems contradictory to what they stand for, a sort of check to finally get everything nice and level. Can’t everyone just be equal and leave it at that? There doesn’t have to be one extreme of the spectrum over the other!

X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others. Which one would you pick, if you were to do it at all?

I probably wouldn’t do it. Having supersenses has no appeal to me and, y’know, I rather like all of my senses, even if they’re not “the best”. How else am I supposed to enjoy all aspects of the world around me?

Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don’t lie. Could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?

They do. I’m horribly, horribly vain; I feel like it’s more of a recent thing, what with losing weight and actually paying attention to what I wear, my makeup, how I fixed my hair that day. But, yeah. I may not be choosy about the genitalia, but if they’re not up to my aesthetic standards, forget it. Any stiffies for them that I could have had go limp and I generally lose interest. They need be a smart kind of pretty and pretty damn smart, at least.

Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion?

Sort of. I grew up in a Roman Catholic household under a matriarch who insisted that God was the only path to so-called “salvation”. I used to believe in it when I was younger, this concept that we were doing all of this, sacrificing all of our free time in order to be saved much, much later, but then I discovered science, logic, and reason. Now I see people who believe as ignorant or at the very least stubborn, but at least they have their unshakable faith in something that has not been explicitly proven to exist. I have to admire their tenacity, if nothing else.

And, dammit, it’s technically Monday. Oh well.

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